The six months update (kind of)

Hi there, 

It’s your R1-going-on-R2 here. HAHAHA. Dang. 

I was looking at my phone wallpaper today, of Janik Sinner smiling from ear to ear, lifting the Australian Open trophy. The joy in his face was so pure, the excitement like he never imagined he would win a Grand Slam. Before it hit me, it was only six months ago. Yet, January and the beginning of this journey seem very distant. It feels like I have been here for at least a year and a half, yet the novelty and adapting keep happening. So, when the newest batch was getting welcomed, I couldn't help but think to myself, 'Really? That fast?' You see, the residency system relies on the continuity of knowledge passed through independent study, bedside teaching with attendings, and from senior residents to us, the juniors. But in all honesty, though the last six months have been packed for me (and except for the wittiness, the athletics, and the know-how), I am not sure I have enough clinical knowledge to pass on to these 12 new members. So, realizing that I have a responsibility towards them surprises me a little. Will I be able to be supportive, helpful, and kind? Yeah, I'm no fun for taking responsibility seriously, hahaha. Oh, man.

 
For me, myself, the past six months of residency or the almost ten months of being back here are highlighted by the relief of finally being able to settle down for the next four years and reconnect with friends and those I love. Not gonna lie, it was fun moving from one city to another for the past seven or so years. But not having to think about where your stuff is and being in a familiar environment is not a bad change at all. I can also tell my friends where I am almost all year round instead of wondering where I would be in the next six months or so. 

Then comes the reconnecting. Maybe it's the growing-old thing, but I now have a new level of appreciation for relationships. I feel so soft and in peace every time I am with my friends, especially those I've befriended for more than 10 years. It's amazing how they have witnessed the different versions of me, and me of them, and we still choose each other again and again. Even better, being back in Jogja means that we are in closer proximity than before, so catching up is easier. And it's not just for those living in Jogja, but especially for those who can now visit me here. It is a blessing.

   

And how did I do in regard to residency? Well, back to being a clinician after some time requires an adjustment period. I think I stumbled a little, especially during my first two months of on-call as I am not as experienced as my peers. But I would like to think that I have learned. I am also doing what I always love to do: actively looking for feedback. For readers planning to enroll themselves and ever wondering if being a new resident is hard? I would not say hard per se, but yes, adjustment is challenging. It will tear you apart but also make you whole. You will find meaning, so remember to find the little joy in everything. As for me, these five things are the absolute backbone for at least the first out of 9 parts down the road: 

1. Allah SWT 

2. My parents' prayers 

3. Those deep post-call sleeps 

4. My friends 

5. Ice coffee. Lots of it. 

That is to say, the infamously most-challenging part, also known as KV1, is yet to come. So, I'm refraining myself from being a know-it-all and will only say what is true for now. Let's wait for the end-of-first-year update for more info, shall we?

 Till then, have a nice day!